Alix Mortimer – The People's Republic of Mortimer
Tea! Idleness! Liberalism!,
Wine! Being a Good Egg!
'I am Alix Mortimer, head of state in the People’s Republic of Mortimer, where everything is perfect. I am twenty-eight but I am not entirely sure how that happened, as I was only twenty-two a few minutes ago. Oh bother, I’m twenty-nine now. You see? See how fast it goes? Whizzzzzzzzz!
'I live in the faraway magical land of Muswell Hill, North London, where I read, write, talk, drink, gig and try to quit smoking. I am from Surrey originally but please don’t hold it against me. I have dark hair (lots of it) and dark eyes but despite this I never, ever tan. I walk everywhere very, very fast. My nose is not to be sniffed at. My left elbow is double-jointed and can empty a pub bar in under ten seconds.'